I've hit a bit of rough patch in motherhood. I've had my bumps before but nothing quite this extreme and ongoing. My daughter isn't yet two but she is exhibiting some hardcore terrible twos behavior. We are at that in between stage where she totally knows whats going on but lacks the skills to fully communicate and understand reasoning.
Yes, I know this is totally normal. It's just hard. A lot harder than I had expected it to be. I don't think it helps that she was such a sweet cuddly baby. She blew us away with nursing like a champ right away, sleeping through the night at a young age, transitioning from sleeping in our room to her room, being un-swaddled at night, and the list goes on and on. Pretty much everything I had worried myself sick about while I was pregnant turned out to be a breeze. That all changed when she hit about 20 months.
Don't get me wrong, she isn't a bad kid. She just knows what she wants and is pissed when she can't get it. Lately it has been ice pops first thing in the morning. She will stand at the freezer saying "pop" "pop" and will tell her "No pops for breakfast, I'm sorry," and she will lose it. Thrash on the ground for about 5 minutes and then go about her business. The method I am using right now is denying her silly requests, letting her flip and hoping that sooner or later she will figure out that she can't always have everything she wants. It wouldn't bother me so much if it were just a couple of times a day but some days it feel like this happens every half hour. We will be playing and happy and then BAM she's mad about something again. She has been definitely testing my patience, sanity and everything in between.
Luckily she hasn't been hitting or biting while having a fit. She did the hitting thing for about a week but I think once she realized that mommy gets mad when she does that, it wasn't worth it to her. So at least my consistency has paid off there. All of this just makes me feel like a bad mom, like I am doing something wrong. I don't want to raise an angry child. My husband and I don't yell around her so I know she isn't getting the behavior from our example. Is anyone else dealing with this or has been dealt with this? Will my sweet girl ever come back or is she a bruiser for life?
I think as long as you keep teaching her right from wrong and keep guiding her and being the fabulous mother that you are, she will turn out to be just as amazing as you :) No worries, love. This too shall pass! It's a hard age and it takes a lot of patience, trust me, I know!
ReplyDeleteOh that sounds rough, I'm so sorry! It sounds like you are handling it perfectly with her though.
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda at a rough spot too..My daughter has been getting very mouthy.. She says some words that I really wonder where she learned them. I think your daughter is just at the learning point in her little life where she's learning what she can and can't do.. It'll pass.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU! thank you for posting this! :) I have just started this with my 19th month old. He is beginning to learn the word "no" and he flips, anytime I say "no" or "don't" its a complete breakdown. I kinda have a meltdown myself. It breaks my heart to see him get so upset when I say something as simple as "don't throw your plate". I know I need to flip it around and not use those key words... but it is hard. Then I also think he is going to be upset with me because I'm the one that is disciplining him. I don't want my son not to like me.
ReplyDeleteI think you're handling things perfectly - I like to think I'd do the same if/when Eli goes through the same behaviour. It sounds like you're being consistent in not giving in to her requests which sounds like exactly the right thing to do!
ReplyDeleteI've heard recently that terrible two behavior is more like 18-30 months, so it sounds like Aubrey is perfectly normal. I also think you are definitely not being a bad mom. Our pediatrician's office sends home paperwork starting with the 9 month appointment that explains that tantrums are normal and that they should be ignored, just like you're doing. Also, I'm sure your sweet girl will be back. My girls are champion tantrum throwers and my mom is always telling me that they will grow out of it. I try to remind myself of that when I'm upset and crying during their fits.
ReplyDeletewe just started having this problem as well...and my son just turned 20 months...i was just saying to my husband "i think the terrible twos came early". it sounds like it is pretty normal from the other comments and what i have heard and we just need to try and be consistent. it is really hard. when he has tantrums we ignore him and walk away. but for discipline i want to do time outs but how do you get a 20 month old to sit still? do you do time-outs?
ReplyDeleteohh gosh!! Hard times indeed! My sister was just like that as well during 2-4 years if i remember correctly my mom and dad did the same you're doing they would turn her down but if it got to extremes my mom would give a little smack on her hand and say no! if worked believe it or not!She would stop screaming:D
ReplyDeleteIt'll pass i'm sure dear! ;D
Beijinhos**
Just wanted to let you know that your sweet girl is completely, developmentally perfect! And it will pass! I can say that from experience because I've lived through it with my first baby who is 3 now (though, brace yourself for 3!). :) I don't know if you are much for parenting books, but the one I read was just what I needed- "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific" by John Rosemond. Give it a try!
ReplyDeleteI have not read all of the other comments, so I am not sure if you have been encouraged or learned about new resources or what, but I do understand the place you are in.
ReplyDeleteMy son is 21 months and is def. learning all about boundaries, choices, personal space, etc. We have been using several of the methods discussed in the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic" and it has been GREAT for us. We don't go as hard core as the book describes, but we def. implement the overall idea. I am not the best at explaining what it is all about, but when B stands at the cabinet and asks for a cookie over and over and over again I will say, "You have a choice, you can stand there whining for a cookie and go spend a few minutes in your room until you can act nicely or you can come to your high chair and eat your yogurt and blueberries. Which one?" If he continues to stand whining, I immediately put him in his room for a 2 minutes.
We have been very consistent with offering choices such as the one mentioned above and it has def. made him think about the way he acts before throwing a fit.
Another quick example. "You have a choice, you can play with your trains nicely and continue playing or you can throw your trains and sit in time out. Which one?"
I don't know if that helps at all, but thought I would throw it out there.
yep been there done that. My son by nature is a rule bender...super cute which helps his case...but a rule bender. My only advise is consistency...even if it is easier to give in...she will learn ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso if you threaten it you have to follow through.
I normally get down to my sons level and look him in the face and tell him something along the lines of " if you do ( fill in the blank) one more time you will sit in time out." and if he does it anyways that is it time out.
If you stick with it now it will get easier and she will also get better...my son is almost 3 and he know by now if I am serious or not ;)
i know EXACTLY what your going through... i was just writing a post about it when i came across your site on "casey". its rough for sure. sometimes i feel so defeated and feel like an "evil" mom cause he's been getting A LOT of time outs... by choice. i give him the choice to behave nicely or go to his room for a time out until he calms out. i am thankful sometimes he just takes himself to time out. so i know its rough right now but it'll get easier... my 5 year old went through the same thing. after they learn that the behavior isn't acceptable (by being consistent), it gets much better. remember to take time for yourself thou (a tea out with the girls or something)... its important and do NOT feel bad for doing it. hope ya all get some relief. thinking of u:-)
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