Our Halloween

We all go through gaps in life where holidays aren't that fun. Sure holidays are always a little exciting because they're special but sometimes they don't hold that magic that they once did. I think that in my late teens and early twenties my enthusiasm about holidays took a but of a dive. I was no longer that kid whose parents were trying to create an amazing time for and I wasn't yet the parent who was trying to do that for my own child. So when Aubrey arrived and especially now that Aubs is getting older my "holiday magic" is back in full swing.

This Halloween was the best I've had since I was young. Aubs was excited about dressing up and had some sort of grasp that Halloween was a special and fun day. For me it was like going through all of that first time excitement that I must have felt at her age all over again. I can only see these times getting better as Aubrey gets a little older and I'm so happy that I get to experience it times two now that Finley is a part of our family.

Celebrating Life

Last month my husband's Uncle Dennis passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52 from a heart attack. The whole family was shocked to say the least. He grew up in and lived most of his life in New York so he was flown there for traditional services after his passing. Although they did all the traditional stuff up in New York we wanted to celebrate his life in way he would of wanted down here in Florida. Dennis spent the last four years here in Florida and absolutely loved going to the beach which he called his church. We decided that we would all spend the day at the beach to celebrate Dennis and scatter some of his ashes in the gulf. It was an absolutely beautiful day and we know that Dennis was there enjoying the sun and the sand with us in spirit.


























Also if you get a moment can you please click the banner below and then click the first owl to vote. I'm itching to get into the top 25. If you feel like being super awesome you can vote once a day. Thank you!

Bad Date

Aubrey has been the dinner date from hell lately.
We use to go out kind of a lot
Usually breakfast one day a weekend, dinner with my parents on Wednesday and maybe one more dinner during the weekend
Aubs was always pretty good for her age and sometimes she was even great
I was actually going to write a post about dining out with toddlers but that seems a little silly now

Aubrey had turned into a complete nightmare when we dine out
She tries to climb out of her seat, screams and worst of all...throws stuff
None of the old tricks work anymore- snacks, crayons, songs- none of them matter

So we will be taking a break from restaurants for a little bit
These pictures are from when we had dinner at our hotel on our trip
Luckily she wasn't as bad as usual but she still wasn't great


mean muggin










Linking up with my usual lovely wordless Wednesday ladies The Paper Mama, Baby Baby Lemon, and then, she {snapped}, Jenni from the Blog and Three in Three

Bumps and Bruises

I'm not one of those mom's who cried at my daughter's first shots. I always hear mom's saying that it was hard for them to be in the room during their babies shots because they would burst into tears too. That just wasn't me. I mean she was just squeezed out of my birth canal, how bad could a couple of needle pricks be compared to that? It sucks seeing her cry because something hurts but it's usually pain that I know will go away quickly and will soon be forgotten.

Today was a little bit different. We were at Gymboree this morning and Aubrey started crying out of nowhere. She never cries at Gymboree so I found this to be a little bit strange. Then I noticed she was grabbing her arm. I picked her up and tried to console her because I thought maybe she had just bumped it. There was no consoling her. She wasn't scream crying but crying enough that I knew something was up. I took her out into the lobby and looked at her arm. When I lifted it up or bent it upwards she would cry more but she didn't mind when I squeezed it or bent it inward. I knew it wasn't crazy serious because the caliber of her crying wasn't enough for it to be. I called my husband and told him I was coming down to his office so he could look at it. On the way there it hit me, the mommy tears. I guess I am one of those mom's too sometimes it just take more than shots or a skinned knee to make me crack. I hated seeing her in pain that doesn't go away with a song and some extra kisses.

My husband came to the same conclusion as me. She must of twisted it or hyper extended it. How did she do it? I have no idea. She falls and bumps into kids all the time and just shakes it off. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary this morning but it must have been something. The rest of the day has been pretty miserable because of it. Aubrey won't use her left arm and has been vegging on the couch all day whining. This is pretty unusual for her because even when she is sick I can't manage to get her to sit still. I guess it is just a waiting game to see if it gets better or worse. At this point I think that taking her to the hospital would be just a waste of time. Like I said before I think that if it were a serious injury she would have been screaming her head off. I also think that I would have noticed what caused it. So here I sit on the couch with my little trouper for the rest of the day rotating between Mickey Mouse, Olivia and Peppa Pig.


A vote might make Aubs feel a bit better

I'm kind of a big deal....

...in the world of educational birth videos, that is.



When I was in the hospital after Aubs was born I was in a blissful state. I had just delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl who nursed like a champion (one of my biggest fears was that I would have trouble nursing). I was able to eat carbs again which I wasn’t able to do while pregnant because I had GD. Everything was just perfect. The stars were aligned and I was happy- maybe a little too openly blissful and cheery. My sunny demeanor is probably what made the nurses decide that I was the best candidate to send the director to. Yes you read that right, director, as in film director.

Little did I know in my baby fog that there was a film crew on the maternity ward of my hospital filming an educational birth video to be distributed to doctors and midwives offices throughout Florida and God only knows where else. Of course they hadn’t filmed us (yet) because you have to fill out all sorts of consent forms and what not. I became aware of the situation when my nurse came in and asked me if it would be alright if the director came in to talk to me.

In walked a very pleasant middle aged woman with clipboard. My husband was actually not there at the time because he had gone home to shower and get some things that I had needed. I believe that I was nursing when she came in and she sat down right next to my bed. She commented that I seemed like such a natural and so content. I took this as a huge compliment. I thought, “I’m awesome and this woman can clearly see that too.”

Then she broke it down for me. She was with a production crew who was filming an educational video for doctors’ offices to show to expecting mothers. She also told me that I was one of the only new mothers who were breastfeeding on the floor. In retrospect I’m pretty sure she was lying about that one but then again my husband said that there were always a lot of babies in the nursery and it’s hard to have a baby in the nursery when you’re breastfeeding. Who cares anyway, that’s not the point of this story. Basically all the flattery had me saying yes even before my husband got back and I was able to run it by him.

Within an hour or so Joe got back to the hospital and I let him in on what I had just agreed to. He didn’t seem to mind. We were stuck in the hospital anyway and this would at least entertain us for a little while. Pretty soon we were met by a team of three people- the woman from before, a camera guy and the producer. We were given a bunch of paperwork and waivers to fill out and then briefed by the director on what we would be doing. I had no lines but my husband and the nurse that was helping out did. My role was basically to look adoringly at my baby (easy) and breastfeed (only top boob, no nipples exposed. I made sure of that).

The whole ordeal probably lasted about an hour. It was a little strange having a camera crew and studio lighting in our hospital room the day after I gave birth but the whole experience of giving birth for the first time is a little strange all on its own. The actual scene we shot was a little more difficult than we assumed too. It’s hard to act natural and not look at the camera in such an unnatural situation. We would totally suck at being reality t.v. stars. With all that said and done, it actually only seemed like a small event within the huge event of having out first child.

We didn’t really think of it much after it had happened and had basically forgotten about it. The producer was supposed to contact us once the film was complete so we could get a copy. This was one of the reasons why we did it in the first place. We thought it would be cool to have a professional video of Aubs first day on earth. They never ended up contacting us so we just figured that our scene had been cut out, no harm no foul. I was actually pretty relieved. I mean what I was thinking doing something like that. I was bloated from Pitocin and looked like complete crap. I also was a little embarrassed about breastfeeding on camera although it was very discreet. I am extremely pro-breastfeeding but the thought of a million doctors’ offices having a video of me doing it gave me the creeps. Whatever, I wouldn’t have to worry about all that now because obviously it never got put into the movie.

Then about a month ago my husband got a phone call from his brother, Craig. Craig was out to lunch and he had gotten a phone call from one of his and my husband’s investors. The investor asked Craig if by any chance Joe and his wife had been filmed for a birthing video. He and his wife were expecting their second child and had just watch an educational birth video and thought they recognized Joe. Craig said he wasn’t sure but he called Joe to confirm. That’s when it hit us. They did use our scene and now it was available for the whole world to see. Worst of all a man who invests in my husband’s business saw it, me at my absolute worst and he isn’t the only one, just the only one that we know about. Awesome... just awesome.

Basically the moral of this story is, never agree to anything right after you have a baby. You are sappy and take compliments way too seriously and if you’re as unlucky as me you will end up forever on film to educate couples on their impending birth experience. I find is kind of comical now that the sting has worn off, that is if I try not to think of it at all- or ever.

Sibs

2 Day Old Aubrey


Lately I've been thinking a lot about having more kids. It definitely has been something that I have always wanted but making the actual decision to start trying is a little scary. I guess it's like all things in life. When we set out to do things that seem so foreign and it can be frightening. I guess we just have to take the risk and hope for the best. It was like that with Aubrey too. I was amazingly excited when I found out that I was pregnant but I was also scared of changes that were happening in my life.

What seemed so scary then is now my wonderful everyday life. It has been a lot different from what my life use to be and some days are harder than others but I feel like we made the right decision to have our first child. Right is understatement, amazing decision would be more like it. I am sure I'm bound to feel the same when we set out for our next one but I still need a little bit of time. It will be soon just not right now. It is just me being scared of the unknown. Aubs needs a sib and when the time is right we will know.

Friday Flashback

I should have posted this last Friday but with all the excitement of my weekend away, I ran out of time. This photo was taken 10 years ago on my 18th birthday. Those were my two best friends at the time, Erica & Alexis. I'm in the middle.




Oh to be 18! The world was at my fingertips. I had just started my senior year of high school. Everyone was sending out their college applications and gathering up those last minute recommendation letters. It was an exciting time, full of possibilities and big dreams. Strangely enough, this picture was also taken four days before the planes struck the twin towers. Which cast a bit of an eerie glow on our bright futures. At the time I lived 90 minutes south of the city in a huge commuter area so I had a ton of friends who's parents worked in the city {including both of hub's parents} but that is another story for another day.

Ten years later am I where I dreamed I'd be? Yes and no. My home life is more than I ever hoped for. I am married to an amazing man who I have known forever. We compliment each other perfectly. If you had told me when that picture was taken that I would marry Joey, I would had laughed at you. We weren't even close to dating. We also have a beautiful and smart daughter and are hoping for more soon. On top of all that, our dog is ridiculous and we have a great home.

On the personal front- I still need some work. I need to be more confident and trust myself more. I still don't feel totally comfortable in my own skin but I'm hoping to get there by 30. I also never graduated from college although I spent almost enough time there to earn my masters. I couldn't and still can't figure out what I really want to do. I bounced from major to major... art...business...education...et cetera. I can say that I am very well rounded because of it though. All in all my life is pretty great but there is definitely room for improvement. Life would be pretty boring if there wasn't.

Four Eyes

Aub was scheduled for her 15 month well baby check-up. We actually went closer to 16 months because of a previous lapse in insurance. I enjoy going to these appointments because I get to see how well she is progressing and how much she has grown. I went in with high hopes but this check-up turned out different from the others.

The doctor lingered while checking her eyes. I thought nothing of it at the moment because Aubrey was moving her head a lot and I just figured that the doctor wasn’t getting a good reading. Then she turned the lights back on and asked me if I had ever noticed anything different in her right eye when I photographed her. I said I hadn’t. Then she delivered news that I wasn’t expecting. She was referring us to a pediatric ophthalmologist because Aubrey’s right eye wasn’t reacting to light the way that it should. I asked her what that could mean and she spat out a bunch of medical jargon that I was too stunned to make any sense of. Luckily we were able to schedule an appointment for the next morning with one of the top doctors in the area who works out of All Children’s Hospital. There was a cancellation while the nurse was on the phone scheduling our appointment which was a Godsend because otherwise we would have had to wait until the end of August.

Here comes the nearly 24 hour waiting period. I did the worse thing you can do in times like these. I turned to Google. I don’t remember the first thing I typed in but it was a combination of “eye not responding in light”, “baby’s eye in photographs” and “infant eye conditions” . The most popular response I came up with was Retinoblastoma which is a cancer of the eye that effects about 300 children in the United States every year. Of course before I really read into it, I called my husband in tears. Being the calm cool and collective man that my husband is, he told me I was over reacting and he would call the pediatrician to see exactly what she thought about the whole situation. She told him that she wasn’t sure what was causing it because she didn’t have the proper tools but she was almost positive that it was not retinoblastoma.

We were relieved that it most likely wasn’t cancer but we were still concerned when we arrived at the hospital the next morning. We were called in and they dilated Aubrey’s eyes. We waited 20 minutes and then the doctor looked inside her eyes. This doctor was amazing, so good with children. He got Aubrey to stay focused by making a large array of animal noises.

Then came the news. Aubrey would need to wear glasses to correct her right eye which is far sighted. This was a big relief because it was best case scenario. We were still a little taken back because we don’t have a family history of children needing glasses at such a young age. I wear glasses and contacts but I didn’t need them until I was 16 and my husband doesn’t wear glasses at all. The doctor told us that it could have been passed down from someone in the family from years and years ago.

I’m going to be completely honest. I had a bit of a meltdown that night. I didn’t want her to have to wear glasses. I thought she would feel like a different child. I went online looking for answers but all I found were other moms complaining how strangers rudely commented on their children’s glasses which just made me feel even worse. My husband was mad at me for this. He said I was being selfish. He said that Aubrey having to wear glasses was nothing and there are other people in way worse scenarios.

He was right. He was totally right. I was being stupid. I should feel fortunate to have such a smart beautiful happy healthy child. That one night was not one of my finest moments and I have not let myself get upset about it since.

Not much has changed since she has started wearing glasses. She looks pretty stinking cute with them on. She doesn’t wear them all the time but more like eighty percent of the time. I haven’t had any rude comments from strangers. Most people say how cute she looks with them. Others ask how we knew she needed them and I have no problem telling them. I hope that this can help any other moms out there who are just finding out that there little ones need glasses. I wish I had found a positive story when I first found out because it would have made all the difference.

Camera Shy

Ever since Aubrey was born there have only been a handful of pictures taken of me. Of course there are a bunch from the hospital but as all you moms out there know, those aren't exactly beauty shots.


I stumbled upon Emily Anderson's blog a few months ago. She does a link up on Thursdays where moms are encouraged to embrace the camera. This made me really think. Although most days it's usually just me and the baby, there are a lot of times where I have the opportunity to have someone else take a photo of the two of us- or even just me.


I think that those moments frozen in time are so important. It's ironic that I am the person that Aubs spends the most time with but she has the least amount of pictures with. Thanks to the inspiration from Embracing the Camera, I have shoved the camera into my husbands hands a lot these past couple of weeks. Hopefully soon he will learn to just grab it on his own, but these things take time.





The past couple of weeks Joe and I have decided to go to dinner down by the beach. If we get there before six we get seated right away. The food isn't great, just typical beach fare but the fact that we can go and play on the beach right after we eat makes it all worth it.